Afraid to Fall Asleep

Okay, well this poem is a lot more along the lines of what I have typically written. As most of my life has been lived in a state of dark depression and anguish, my poetry tends to lean towards that way of thinking. I have come to find that I do my best writing when I am at the lowest points in my life. Most of my poetry also includes dates when it was written. It helps me to remember that certain time in my life, as I have managed to actually block out most of my life before the age of 22. When there is a date on one of my poems, I will also include my age, so that you may be able to see my life as it unfolds before your very eyes. This particular poem was written at one of my lowest, but not necessarily darkest, times.

Afraid to Fall Asleep

Looking around and learning
Seeing things I’ve never seen before
Wondering what it is that’s behind the next door
A picture says a thousand words
But those words are different to everyone
Building up my garden of lies and truth
Believing that it will grow and prosper
Never thinking that my efforts won’t be enough
Doing it all for the happiness that it brings
The misery soon falls like a bird from the sky
Landing somewhere in the depths of my heart
Misinterpreting the misery for hurt and pain
Questions fill my head with doubt
Worrying won’t get me anywhere
At least not in this dream
Will I soon wake up and say
“What the hell was that?”
Oh please let me wake up soon
Before this dreaming of mine becomes my life



j.l.h.

March 18th, 2002

Age: 20