Wow!

Okay so I know that it has been like so long since I have posted anything here. But in my own defense, I have been super busy. My calendar looks like a a prominent CEO's to-do list...okay it's not that bad, but I have really never been this busy with "things" since I can remember. It feels good though to be busy. To be needed and wanted and to actually have a purpose to fulfill other then that of caring for my daughter. Makes me feel like a grown-up again (as if that was possible). I have also been dealing with so many conflicting things in my life. My past has been a huge set back for me lately. As I mentioned a few months ago, the issues of suicide and depression have been pulling at my heart. And in this lesson, i have seen that dealing with my own past demons had been really strange for me. It is especially hard for me, because I no longer see that person in me....that destructive self-hating person that I was. But others till do...even those close to me. Can that mean that I am living in a state of denial? That what I think and feel on the inside is not how the world really perceives me on the outside? To this day, I strongly believe that because of my grandmothers prayers for me, I am alive today. My grandmother passed away in January, and it was very sudden and very hard for all of us. I do know that she prayed for me constantly.....she needed to. I needed someone to pray for me or who knows what might have happened in my life or where I might be....that really is a horrible thing to think about. But because she prayed for me I am here.  Her faith was the light in my darkness.  I am so thankful that I had her in my life.