Wow!

Okay so I know that it has been like so long since I have posted anything here. But in my own defense, I have been super busy. My calendar looks like a a prominent CEO's to-do list...okay it's not that bad, but I have really never been this busy with "things" since I can remember. It feels good though to be busy. To be needed and wanted and to actually have a purpose to fulfill other then that of caring for my daughter. Makes me feel like a grown-up again (as if that was possible). I have also been dealing with so many conflicting things in my life. My past has been a huge set back for me lately. As I mentioned a few months ago, the issues of suicide and depression have been pulling at my heart. And in this lesson, i have seen that dealing with my own past demons had been really strange for me. It is especially hard for me, because I no longer see that person in me....that destructive self-hating person that I was. But others till do...even those close to me. Can that mean that I am living in a state of denial? That what I think and feel on the inside is not how the world really perceives me on the outside? To this day, I strongly believe that because of my grandmothers prayers for me, I am alive today. My grandmother passed away in January, and it was very sudden and very hard for all of us. I do know that she prayed for me constantly.....she needed to. I needed someone to pray for me or who knows what might have happened in my life or where I might be....that really is a horrible thing to think about. But because she prayed for me and because the Lord is just and forgives me my sins, I am here. So I have learned, that praying for someone really can bring them out of what ever they may be in. If you know someone who needs help, pray for them. It really is the best thing that you can do for them.